Uh-oh, it's . . .

The Boston Market Story

Hero pilot to land 747 in Amazon River

    By EUNNIE MUNI MEINEMO

    Staff Writer

    EAST WOODLAND HILLS, N.J. -- Hundreds of unemployed copy editors and aspiring reality show contestants, along with the headmasters of several schools of piranhas, alligators and crocodiles from as far away as the Cayman Islands, and dozens of personal injury lawyers lined up in midtown Manhattan today for a chance to take part in "Survivor: Rows 23 Through 36" after CBS announced it had signed hero pilot Chesley "Gabe" Sullenberger to land a fully loaded Boeing 747 in the Amazon River, the Heralded News of Northern Woodland Hills reported on its web site.

    Several flocks of Canada geese declined to participate in the show, however, a spokesbird for the Canada Goose Association told the Associated Press. "It's just too risky, eh," the spokesbird said.

    Meanwhile, Sullenberger was hospitalized briefly, the New York Times reported, after he became stuck in traffic and several drivers started honking. Sullenberger then reportedly tried to drive his car into the Hudson River. And a spokesman for the National Football League, who declined to be identified on the grounds that he was still considering whether to play quarterback for the Jets next season, said Sullenberger was offered $1 million to land a jumbo jet in the Super Bowl during halftime while Bruce Springsteen was singing "The River." The source said Sullenberger was afraid some of the Cardinals might be sucked into the engines.

    In honor of the hero pilot, the Carnegie Deli introduced a new sandwich this week, the Sully: Three pounds of corned beef wrapped around several layers of goose liver paté on two thin slices of rye bread, with mustard, mayo and a small bag of peanuts. And USAirways was negotiating to hire Michael Phelps as a swimming instructor.

    Sullenburger said he was deeply saddened by the recent crash of Continental Flight 3407. He added that reports of icing on the wings reminded him of the time he was flying a Boeing 727 over Butterball, Minn., and his plane flew into a flock of frozen turkeys. "They smashed the windshield," he said. "One of them knocked the stuffing out of my co-pilot, and there were gizzards flying all over the cockpit. I managed to land the plane on a golf course in the middle of a tournament, but one of the passengers was killed by a Tiger Woods drive. I never quite got over that."

    - - - -

Chickie says, What did James Bond say when Miss Moneypenny came home from the fertility clinic?*

*Oh-oh, seven?