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The Boston Market Story

Op Quayle small potatos next to real thing

This story is embargoed until Monica S. Lewinsky stops telling newspapers President Clinton promised her she could lead Operation Sail if she promised to be nautical but nice.

©2000 The Daily Dinghy of Dumont

   HACKENSACK, N.J. -- Due to the presence of a suspicious World War II era submarine at the entrance to New York Harbor, dozens of Tall Ships, hundreds of warships, the aircraft carrier USS John F. "Jack" Kennedy, and some 40,000 pleasure craft were diverted from the Hudson River and instead sailed up the Hackensack River on July 4th, officials at the makeshift OpSail 2000 headquarters in a Boston Market on River  Street said Tuesday. Hackensack's picturesque waterway teemed with thousands of vessels, from oceangoing schooners to destroyers to small recreational craft to Linda's Hackensack River Dinghies, in the Fourth of July's nautical spectacular.

    As lesser-sized sailing ships came up the Passaic River to join in Operation Sail 2000, about two dozen warships from 13 countries steamed up the Hackensack.  To the delight of thousands of spectators in hip waders lining the muddy banks of the Hackensack just behind the Pep Boys parking lot, the warships maneuvered into "for real" battle formation after the Kennedy and several smaller Tall Ships were sunk by torpedoes from the suspicious submarine, which was allegedly commandeered by disciples of Osama "Ken" Laden.

    Following OpSail, the spectators were treated to "Operation Quayle," the launching of several thousand half-baked potatos from the cannons of 30 wind-powered vessels.  Much of the wind was supplied by former vice presidential candidate Dan Quayle himself.

    President Clinton reviewed the naval ships, and was last seen reviewing the latest crop of interns at the Bergen Record of Northern New Jersey.

AP - 02-14 3205