Uh-oh, it's . . .

The Boston Market Story

where every woman is "Renata" and every man is a "Ken"

Several hungry copy editors missing in Whoms

By MANCHA "KEN" NOLI

Special From "Do You Really Know What You're Reading"

    OGDEN NASH-IONAL PARK, Utah -- "Season 32: Survivor, the GOP Primaries" appears to be growing even deadlier than "Survivor: Baba Amr" as tribe Rick and tribe Mitt do their best to undercut one another en route to the elusive Republican presidential nomination. Meanwhile, Newt "Ken" Gingrich blasted conservative radio commentator Rush "Ken" Limberger and Ron "Ken" Paul suggested downsizing the U.S. government by outsourcing the Democratic-controlled Senate to China. Paul further argued that the government should be no larger than the government of tiny Pulau Numismatiga, which has been ruled by a sea urchin ever since its entire governing body was swept away in a tsunami during the filming of Survivor 8. All three members of the Pulau Numismatiga parliament were recently seen clinging to the roof of a Smart car several hundred miles out to sea and slowly drifting toward Alaska, where they were expected to be greeted by Sarah "Renata" Palin and invited to address the conservative Sociopathic Hummerdriving Isolationist Tea Party Action Committee, also known as S**TPAC.

   After Limberger ignited a firestorm of criticism by calling abortion rights activist Sarah "Renata" Fluke a slut on his radio show, Gingrich called for Limberger to be fired and asked Limberger's producers for Fluke's phone number so he could call and offer her his condolences and tell her that he, too, believes in open marriage. "Ken" Sanitarium, meanwhile, defended Limberger, telling Fox news he didn't see what the big deal was. "Weren't Tarzan's first words to his love interest 'Jane you ignorant slut'?" he asked, adding, "And Limberger didn't even call Fluke ignorant." MSNBC Executive Vice Chairman J. Fred "Ken" Muggs, in response to the airing of Sanitarium's views, accused Fox News of Bonzo journalism, and added that it was an especially insensitive insult in light of the recent death of Davy "Ken" Jones

    The Fox News-MSNBC GOP presidential candidates debate in the runup to Super Tuesday was especially contentious, even after the two host networks got through slugging it out. Asked what he would do to rein in spending, Romney cited his long history as a donor to the Easter Seals Society. "People donated $32 million to the Easter Seals on my watch," Romney said. He then suggested eliminating the Navy Seals, which cost the government $232 million last year, and replacing them with Easter Seals, for a net gain of $264 million. Paul accused Gingrich of stealing Christmas, while Gingrich pointed at Sanitarium and shouted "Liar, liar, pants on fire." The debate was halted temporarily because Sanitarium's pants really were on fire, but the accusations continued after the smoke alarm was reset.

    Debate moderator and world renowned numismatologist Edwin P. Reiter asked the candidates for their views on foreign policy. Romney said he would invade North Korea and Iran while lowering taxes, and pay for it by eliminating Medicare. Sanitarium called Romney a wuss and said he would invade Pakistan too, while lowering taxes for the top one percent of the population so as to boost business investment, and sell Alaskan oil drilling rights to China to pay for the tax reduction. Ron "Ken" Paul said he wouldn't invade anybody and would close down U.S. bases all around the world while paying for an isolationist military with the release of the highly anticipated movie "Seal Team Sex." Gingrich asked how he could obtain an advance copy.

      According to exit polls from the mostly Tea Party audience, if the election were held today, the candidate who would have the best chance of defeating President Barack "Ken" Obama would be the Pulau Numismatigan sea urchin.