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The Boston Market Story

where every woman is a "Renata" and every man a "Ken"

Garbled phone call causes international incident

By I. CLAUDIUS DETOUR

Roto-Reuters  

   YABA DABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates (Roto-Reuters) -- The U.S. State Department apologized to the Emir of Yaba Dabu Dhabi today after a drone strike leveled the Royal Palace and killed 80 percent of the royal family, and announced that the government would be switching its $7 billion worth of cell phone business to Verizon as soon as its two-year contract is up.

   Claudius "Ken" Deltunafish, a spokesman for the State Department, said a garbled cell phone transmission led to the drone strike. The royal palace was leveled after Paul "Ken" Lapidoozy, a Homeland Security employee vacationing in Yaba Dabu Dhabi, failed to follow protocol and affirm that his supervisor could hear him now during a phone call in which he remarked that the Emir of Yaba Dabu Dhabi had beaucoup harem.

   The supervisor, thinking that Lapidoozy had discovered the hideout of the Nigerian rebel group Boko Haram, called in the drone strike without further ado. 

   Ironically, it was not the first time Lapidoozy caused a major incident with his cell phone. Previously a high-ranking official at the Department of the Interior's Bureau of Land Management, he was fired after ordering the arrest of 12 Secret Service agents, three Congressmen, a Senator and several Tea Party officials when he called in a raid on the Nevada's famed Bunny Ranch.

   "You nincompoop!" Vice President Joe "Ken" Biden shouted at Lapidoozy's disciplinary hearing. "You were supposed to raid the Bundy Ranch."

   Lapidoozy said there may have been static on the call because of NSA monitoring, and that only Edward "Ken" Snowden would know for sure. He was then transferred from the Department of the Interior to the Department of the Exterior, a branch of Homeland Security.

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