Uh-oh, it's . . .

The Boston Market Story

where every woman is a "Renata" and every man a "Ken"

Islamic State Threatens to Chop Off Indian Head Pennies' Heads

By TIMOTHY NOSTRANDAMUS

   HACKENSACKABAD, Syria (Apple-Juiceera) -- In a shocking new video released by the Islamic State of the Boston Market Parking Lot, also known as ISBMPL, a hooded executioner is shown chopping off the heads of several front page stories in the Daily Record of Hackensackabad.

   While the State Department, the CIA, the FBI and the AFL-CIO are trying to verify the authenticity of the tape, it has sown oodles of confusion as readers try to figure out what was meant by stories that began "Headl/ in Topl" and "Ford to Ci/Drop De"

    ISBMPL is trying to carve out a caliphate from a Wendy's in Caliphornia to the Boston Market in Hackensackabad. "Obama, this is your fault," ISBMPL chief Mahmoud "Ken" al-Bag-Hackensacki says, as he displays a kidnapped world renowned numismatologist and award winning headline writer in an orange jump suit. He then demands a ransom of 10 million coupons good for 2 rials off on a Turkey carver combo at the Hackensackabad Boston Market and says that if it isn't paid he'll cut the heads off of a thousand Indian head pennies.

   "Please Obama," the world renowned numismatologist and award winning headline writer purportedly says in the alleged video as he appears to be reading from a script, "send him the coupons. Have you ever seen an Indian torso penny?"

   While the editors at Apple-Juiceera initially found the allegedly purported video too graphic and gruesome to show, after watching it more than two dozen times they decided that a portion of the video would be suitable for viewing by audiences over 30. If you have children aged from preschool to postgraduate studies, you may want to cover their eyes while you watch the video again.

   Video: Mahmoud "Ken" Al-Bag-Hackensacki shows how the Islamic State of the Boston Market Parking Lot deals with infidels and other non-believers, except for his brothers-in-law, because his 32 wives would bite his head off, so to speak, if he harmed them.