Uh-oh, it's . . .

The Boston Market Story

The original purveyor of real fake news

KGB to open office in Trump Tower

By VIKTOR 'KEN' SASSOON

   MARS A LAGO, Florida (Special from The Gannot the Record of Southern North Jersey) -- An anonymous source on the Donald J. "Ken" Trump transition team revealed today that the multi billion ruble hedge fund Kolimarsky, Golubinsky and Borgsky will open an office on one of several vacant floors of the Trump Tower in New York City.

   Vincent B. Anonymous, the transition team liaison to Russian President Vladimir Kenovitch Putin, told the Gannot the Record almost exclusively that the hedge fund was a thinly veiled front operation for a group of hackers and spies that previously operated out of the back of the famed Russian Tea Room in midtown Manhattan.

   Lending credence to this development, Mother Jones, a slightly liberal publication, reported finding several hundred redeemed coupons for two rotisserie blinis for the price of one in a trash can outside the Trump Tower Boston Market.

   "That is lot of bunk," Steponovich "Ken" Borgsky, son of a founding partner of KGB, said in a hacked email to the Gannot the Record. "Is lies spread by loser Hillary 'Renata' Clinton." Borgsky then tweeted a photo of a poster in the window of the TT Boston Market showing a smoked salmon above the slogan "Lox her up."

   Meanwhile, several hungry copy editors and an award winning headline writing numismatologist were thrown out of the TT Boston Market for attempting to use expired coupons good for two rotisserie chicken dinners for the price of one.

   "The chickens were expired, but the coupons weren't," award winning headline writing numismatologist Edwin P. Reiter said in a hacked email to WikiLeaks. Reiter pointed out that the coupons were good until Jan. 25, 2017.

   "2017 -- that was last year," @realdonaldkentrump tweeted in response to a request for comment from National Public Radiology, adding "This guy couldn't write a headline in a paper box. Send him to North Dakota."

   Asked to comment on the president-elect's demand that he be deported to the Standing Rock Indian Reservation, where protesters are fighting to keep the Dakota Access pipeline from carrying oil from the North Dakota tar sands through their water supply, Reiter tweeted: "We Shale Overcome."